First came nothingness. It existed without time or space, for nothingness knew neither birth nor destruction. It was perfection, existing before existence.  A perfect impossibility…being together something and nothing.  From this unthinkable void came Gaia, the great mystery of being, the source of all things. She took the shape suddenly, coming out of nothingness, dancing ever more quickly until she became a whirlwind of light.[1]

My life has revolved around my longing to be consumed by the earth and it’s beauty.

Societal idealizations of humans and of nature have structured the ways that I relate to the world and the realm of ethereality that I long to be a part of. The symbols that have been given to Beauty, specifically women and nature, whether good or bad, should be appreciated and represented for what they are.  A society’s idea of Beauty is a reflection of their ideas and tastes, and is a great source of concept as well as controversy.  One cannot speak about something beautiful without being even subconsciously affected by the context that we have placed it in.  My response to the beautiful anxious bustle that is society is to collect and create an imagined refuge of inspiration and allure, which I have gathered from in between the chaos. My world of Beauty, however, is a product of society’s objectification and idealization. 

I participate in an exploration of Beauty through my interactions with my society and with the natural world.  I look to facets of pop culture to identify myself and contrarily long to be a part of the earthly Beauty of nature. My obsessive tendencies require me to catalogue the breadth of culture that I believe represents myself, and what I wish to express or question. I become immersed in the study of Images of women past and present, clothes and toys or dried mushrooms and insects.  My relationships with these topics are contingent upon the cultural meanings that have been placed upon them.  Both matters of Beauty, natural and commercial have been fetishized and constricted into myth.  

I see the spaces and objects I create as sets for my dream visions.  I am enamored with gloss, the shiny, and the reflective: luminance.  Glass is shiny like magazines and diamonds.  Glass occurs naturally in the world but has been manipulated for thousands of years by humans, and we are inherently attracted to its formal properties. Human instinct draws us to clear reflected surfaces as a way to find clean drinking water.  A substance so strong and dangerous, yet so fragile and malleable speaks directly to the themes of my work as well as my animal attractions.  I am interested in the conversation between crafts and fine art, as well as design and fashion. I find feminine and masculine qualities in the history of both.

At times I feel that Beauty is unattainable.   I feel overwhelmed with the ugliness of life and I want complete black silence. I came to using yards of swathing black fabric to envelop space and form in blackness. There is an edge- a reminder of the seductive and possibly negative connotations of concepts- that I associate with dark space.  Noir is dramatic and frightening; sexy and trendy.  I have been inspired by installations of ritual places such as churches, shrines, and private interior decoration and 5^th avenue’s window displays. I fall in love with found objects, from thrift stores and estate sales.  These things become stories for me and is are icons of a spirit from a different time and place.  These topics become the objects of my obsessions. 

I disagree with assertions that feminine Beauty is only about sex, only for a man or only for reproduction. .  Feminist theories suggest that women only claim to enjoy being objectified and that it lessens one as a human being.[2]

Feminine Beauty is an expression of unity with nature and the transformative experience of inspiration, awe or aesthetic bliss! One revels not at the reproductive capabilities of a woman alone, but at the physical, ephemeral and visual Beauty of her being.  

Symbolic associations of Women’s body parts directly affect the behavioral roles of women and men.  Pagan sexual connotations of hair inspired religious ideas about tonsure and castration.  Monks were made to shave the tops of their heads to represent their celibacy, just as women were made to cover their hair in church as not to conjure evil spirits and encourage sexual desires.  The functions of the mouth and the vulva have also been compared to one another, particularly terrifyingly by the myth of the Vagina Dentata, or toothed vagina.  This fear of sexuality is linked to Freud’s castration theory.[3]  Some authorities have openly declared that women’s genitals are the gates of Hell, ready to swallow men whole.3  Many symbols and myths of the female anatomy show man’s “mixture of fear, awe and desire.”3 Feminine Beauty is established as both good and evil- the life and the death.  This fear places the female race under restrictions of etiquette and social expectation.  “The threat of castration is subsequently allayed by the displacing attention from the real women whose lack is always perceived as potentially mutilating_ to her image with its illusory promise of wholeness. It is this that fashion does so well, giving us an image of glamorous, sensuous, glossy eroticism as a sign of woman’s fetishized representation and a means of allaying the threat that her sexuality carries.”  My religion and suburban culture have done a lot to restrict my sexuality and creativity.  I have always felt like an outsider for my open appreciation and wonder about things like sex art and philosophy that for some reason in the bubble where I grew up were treated like dirty secrets. I make things in response to the world, under the archetype of an artist, because it makes it more socially accessible and acceptable to give my honest response and to have control over as much of my world as I can.

As a young female I am subjected to restrictions of my gender and cultural ideals of how I should look and be.  This idealization of women has always existed in life and in art and is a product of culture’s reaction to feminine Beauty- often through fear, repression and domination.  I have always wanted to turn these ideas on their heads- as a little suburban catholic girl- I beset myself with proving that I was indeed intelligent, resilient and brave- as tough as the boys and as understanding and perceptive as the adults.  As I started to look more like a woman I became even more interested in this duality of recognition on the surface as light, frivolous, pretty, sexy, and underneath this shroud recognized as, again, intellectual, capable, intimidating and strong.

The outer appearance of a woman reveals heavy association with character and culture.  Ancient folklore associated women’s air with magical powers over nature.  The combing of a woman’s hair was thought to control weather; witches were believed to conjure storms with their locks.[4]  I have hidden behind my hair my entire life.  Different decades, different colors, I use it as a mask.  I used it to hide behind when I was 5 and being chastised- and when I was 12 and self-conscious, and today to create an outward representation of how I feel or how I want society to perceive me. 

“Just ask Madonna, or Hilary Clinton, or Lady Gaga, all of whom went blonde as a way of realizing their global professional ambitions.  It is true that blondes are more liable to be patronized, however- and not just by men.  Being “a blonde” has come to mean something in a way that being “A brunette” doesn’t.  A blonde is a category of identity, like a woman or an American or a writer; a blonde is a kind of person, whereas a brunette is just someone with brown hair.” [5]

I see this duality as the epitome of Beauty in human form.  This dichotomy has been represented always.  Genesis is a romantic place to start-Woman is simultaneously beautiful and natural and sexual as well as dangerous, guilty or evil.  Eve is linked to the savage part of nature with the serpent and the fall.  From ancient symbols to contemporary pop-culture, our views of what is beautiful and how we feel about Beauty are shaped directly by our culture. Male philosophers and feminists alike say that women try to be beautiful solely to attract men, whether they realize it or not.3  There are many instances in society where this is definitely not the case.  Fashion is a thorough reflection of any age’s identity and societal roles. Where does wanting to look beautiful for the approval or yourself, or of another female, or for a gay man fall into this explanation of women trying to be beautiful?  Women try to be beautiful, often painstakingly, to garner a power over the world- to create a persona, a reflection of that they want to exude. Fashion is a form of questioning the values of dress and behavior that have been placed upon us by society, and subtly or not so subtly, throwing it back in their faces.  If I am going to be sexualized and objectified it will be on my own terms and I will use the negative connotations as powerful and beautiful connections to society.  To be objectified by yourself is to create a body of work that is your persona, your being, your actions and impact on the world.

My creations are the artifacts and envisioned objects I create through this fervor to be beautiful.  I look to society’s representations of Beauty and that of the natural world to define and question of what is beautiful.  This includes the dangerous, sexual, gentle, fragile, perverse, voyeuristic etc.  Mood and setting dictate my materials… and I am obsessed with gloss and containment. I want to capture my visions and bottle them up to be peered at from the outside. I want to create a spectacle of Beauty and wonder and I want to apply it everyday life.

 Bibliography

1.     Highwater, Jamake. Myth and Sexuality. New York: NAL Books, 1990.  

2.     Soble, Alan. Sex from Plato to Paglia. Westport: Greenwood Press, 2006.  

3.     Walker, Barbara G. The Woman’s dictionary of Symbols and Sacred Objects

New York City, Harper Collins, 1988.

4.     Churchwell, Dr. Sarah, 2010, “Blonde Ambition” essay for POP Magazine fall/winter 2010